Martin & Hayley's Engagement Party

Yes, it's been a while, I haven't been on this page for ages..... but I think it's about time that I tell you what has happened on the first of September 2012.....

You all already know that I've asked Hayley to marry me, and she said yes, thankfully. Imagine if she said no! But she said yes, and I was a happy man. And as she is a woman, her mind went absolutely bonkers, she already thought of white birds, a white horse, her wedding dress etc. That's what the ladies do. Dangerous kind of humans they are. And whilest her brain went mental, so did I! She was talking about an engagement party, and I was unaware of such a thing: never have been to such a party, and I don't know anyone who ever held one. It's must have been an English thing, I think.

We both decided on a date, and we made the magic happen. And when I say magic, I mean Hayley doing all the work. I am quite lazy, and filled with no ideas, I only look at the money, and that's it. She had everything planned, she is a good girlfriend. And future wife to be, don't forget about that. But seeing as I wasn't in the UK, I couldn't organise the party with her, I had to trust her that she did the right thing. And she did. She had chosen the location, which was near to her house, and that ment I could drink a couple of pints. The only thing I was allowed to do (I don't mean it like that), was to get the invitation printed, and obviously designed. I went to my brother-in-law, who is a webdesigner, and he made a wicked invitation. Made a couple of these on photo paper, and sended them all around the UK! My job was done...... for now.

Hayley and I had to do alot. I had to take some Dutch food with me in the car, and for those who were wandering what it was: frikandels, bitterballen, bamiballen etc. Had around 300 snacks, and I delivered it to the house, where it was put in the freezer (I arrived days before the party, couldn't defrost them). I can talk about the most boring thing ever, but I'm not: it's not interesting to tell you how we put the snacks in the freezer.

On the 31st of August, my parents arrived from the Netherlands. After a long journey (I do that every time!) they got to the Premier Inn hotel, and immediately they tried to be English....... by hitting the pub, and staying there until the pub closed. We joined them later, and had a nice meal (seeing as it was my birthday). It was nice to see my  mum and dad in the country I am going to live in. Felt weird, but in a good way. 

The day emerged, and we were both a bit stressed. Hayley's barber was late, her uncle Martin was late, his daugther Caroline was too sick, so she couldn't come...... what a day it was. We decided to go to the location around 4:30 and decorate it. But all of a sudden, a few family members turned up at Hayley's house, and we weren't ready for that. We didn't knew what to do..... take them with us already, or just leave them there, and we would leave gran behind, so she could keep them company? We decided to leave gran there was the best thing to do, and we took off.

I decided to let Hayley walk around without her dress on, seeing as we would return to the house to pick up gran. No, she didn't walk around naked, don't be silly. We got to the venue, and immediatly encountered a problem: we needed more people to decorate the location! It was just the three of us, and we were rushing our arses off. I was carrying the tables, Hayley did the decoration, and mum blew up the balloons. Unorganised, but still managable. We worked hard, and forgot the time. After we had put the table and everthing ready(ish), we went home to pick up gran. Hayley got dressed and lovely make up on, and uncle Martin arrived. After causing mayhem in the house, we left, and arrived a few minutes after 6..... and we encountered a large group of people, waiting outside the venue.... waiting for US. OMG, I shat a brick. I am shy, always, and nothing can help me. I just embraced my fear, and shook hands, and we all went in. I went straight into the kitchen, to prepare the food (my family brought some Dutch pies with them, and someone had to cut them in slices). The caterer was nice, he left the food on the tables, he did a nice job. He did it when we were at the house, creating mayhem. Here, look:

It's uncle Derrick in the picture btw. Hayley's gran's brother, or however you explain it. Lovely man. He tucked in, as you can tell. But doesn't it all look gorgeous?

We got in, and we all wandered around. Sadly, the drinking facility wasn't open yet, we had to wait until 7.... bummer, no one told us. All of a sudden I realised... we have got the snacks, but no chippy pan! How can we prepare them? Shit, we had to leave, and go home and pick it up. I decided it was best that Hayley stayed, so me and Hayley's mum went. Once's we got the object, straight back, and enjoy the party.... f**k no, no mayonnaise or ketchup!!! I rushed to the Asda, which was around the corner. Whilst running to Asda, my mum, father, sister and brother-in-law drove onto the parking facility of the venue.... everything is going horribly wrong!

When I got back, people were waiting for me. I was the one with the money, and we had to pay in advance, but because I rushed off with all the money, the person behind the bar thought that everybody paid for themselves, which wasn't the case. F**k, everything is going wrong. I got stressed out, and everybody could see that. I do apologise, I didn't mean it. But someone had to be stressed. And it was me.

Once the whole thing started (the DJ took forever to set his stuff up), the party started. People started chatting to each other, and started eating. We didn't want the food to be wasted, so we encouraged people to eat as much as they wanted. The DJ played so many shitty tunes, we had enough time to eat, seeing as no one wanted to dance.

So many of our friends and family came around, we were pleased. Some faces were new to me, and I will probably forget them.... I do apologise. My memory is so rubbish, I try my best, but fail. I do remember a few names, but mostly faces. Maybe we should have used name-stickers.......

The party went as planned. I was risky, and asked the DJ to put a slow-dance record on. I went to my wife-to-be, asked her to dance with me, and we did. You don't believe me? We can dance!

We danced, like we were the only people on the planet. With the Dutch flag hanging behind us, it just makes the picture perfect.... a happy couple, and she looked so cute (and sexy!). I am going to marry the most gorgeous looking girl in the WORLD! Eat that.

After the song ended, we joined our families again. Sadly, the DJ didn't encourage people to start dancing, so a few girls went onto the dancefloor, and did some dancing to cheesy 90s music. Meh, not my thing. I'm a raver, can't you see? (he didn't even play rave music!!!!!). The DJ was alright, but not a party DJ.

My sister kept asking "who is he calling?" He used a red 'phone' as his headphone, which he didn't even needed, his mixing skills were shit.

I was being bold, and I went up to him, and asked for "Madness - Baggy Trousers", and the most unbelievable thing happend: Hayley danced with her uncle Martin. As I was told, he's not the dancer. Again, if you are reading this and having doubts:

See! I wasn't lying. Must be an English/London thing.... when they hear Madness, they go bonkers! But that's what I love about the British people, and especially the people from London.... their way of living. Even I danced with my mother, but I won't upload that picture.... embarassing..... for my mother ha.

People came and went. It was sad a few people couldn't stay that long, but at least they came! We had a brilliant time. Just look at these picture's.... people did enjoy themselves!

What a night it was. Or evening. The party ended at 11, and we had to clean up the mess. Everybody left, and it was just uncle Martin, gran, mum, Hayley and me. Some people did help, and your help was appreciated.

Once we started cleaning up the hall, the DJ got a bit annoying, he was absolutely wasted. He was walking to the bar at least 4 times, to get half a liter of beer. We had this table next to the stage with our cakes on it (who were made by lovely people, and we were just too afraid to cut them into pieces, we wanted it to be in one piece until eternity), and the DJ's set-up was next to it. Uncle Martin had to put all the chairs on the stage, and probably one wire got stuck, and mr DJ man got so annoyed, he chucked a few chair onto the floor, just inches away from our cakes. We all got annoyed, and hurried up.....

Look at these two cakes. If they got destroyed, I would be in jail: I would have beaten the DJ! Deffo. What a burk.

We had so much to take home, so I decided to drive twice: first with gran, mum and Hayley, and the second time with uncle. We did that, we talked to the owner of the property, and she gave us the okay, the venue was clean and organised again. Back at the house we needed to put all the food in a tiny fridge, and we managed... sort off.

In the living room we opened our presents and cards. And we do loved them all. All our friends and family were there. From the bottom of my heart (and Hayley's) we would like to thank everybody who came. You are wicked! Thank you for everything, you mean the world to us! For those who didn't made it, you have missed  a wicked party. One people still talk about!

I do probably miss a few bits and bobs, my memory is bad. Sorry if I missed a few bits...........

The Day I Went On One Knee........

That was yesterday! The day I got engaged to Hayley. She is the love of my life, she is the one that takes me for who I am. She is the one that means the world to me. And this blog is dedicated to her, and us, and the day of all days!

I've decided a few weeks ago that Hayley is the one that I want to grow old with, and obviously you have to ask the most important question of all. And without thinking, I did ask it months ago, when I was half asleep. But I didn't ment it, it was a joke. Not a good thing to do, because the reaction I got, wasn't the one I was expecting. I wanted to do it proper, not when I lay in bed, dosing off to dreamland.

I told my sister, because I needed help. I am really unromantic, and she is a woman! She knows what a lady wants, so I was glad she helped me. We went to a thousand jewelries, and I never expected it to be so complicated. We both went to a jewelry, which looked a bit posh, but the service was great. There was only one big error, I didn't knew the ring size of my girl. It's not that I can look into her ring collection without getting caught (she lives in England, and I in Holland). So we ordered my ring, and they just had to wait for me to call in the ringsize of my girl. But I couldn't go on one knee without anything ring related, so we went looking for more. To this day, I really hate my sister, for dragging me into a million shops, seeing a million rings, it was the most painfull day of my life (so far). It made me think again about my first choice. Damn, why can't it just be one thing in one shop? Why isn't there an easier way to get a bloody ring?

Well, the day ended, and I knew I had to hide it from the whole world, but as I am the crazy Dutchman, that was hard. When my mom visited me a few days ago, I nearly got caught, because I had a magazine on the table, which was a ring magazine! Damn my memory. I got rid of it a.s.a.p., thank God for that!

I couldn't hide the ring, because every time I try to hide something, it will be found. So I simply placed it on the kitchen cabinet (on top, so she couldn't reach). And waited for the right moment......

The second of April was the day. I knew the day was going to be special, and I got nervous. Not really a hundred percent nervous..... but still nervous enough. The biggest issue was "how and where will I ask her?". I am full of idea's, but they were all shit! I was thinking of asking her in the weirdest way possible. Imagine this: I am on the loo, laying a big one, and place the ring on top of it.... I would call in Hayley, and she would see the ring on top of it.... just imagine. That was my most romantic way of asking her. My sister did send some video's of people proposing, which went horribly wrong. Who puts a ring in a milkshake, and nearly making his girl die? She swallowed the ring lol. That would have been a brilliant idea, typically me, but the poo idea was better.

But it wasn't the best. As I can remember, we had a picture taken in a park near, next to the castle called Erenstein. And I thought it was an amazing idea to ask her there (she loves the picture of us)....

And why not ask her there? It's a nice picture!

So we walked yesterday to the park, and it was busy, too busy, I wasn't expecting that. A lot of fishermen, and I am a bit shy, I didn't want to go on one knee, whilest smelly dirty bastards would be looking at us. Neh, not my thing. So we went further into the park, and found a romantic spot. Another bridge!

The things I can remember were "You are the world to me, I love you forever" - "I love you too forever" - "and ever" - "and a bit more" - "well, that depends" - "depends on what???" - "if you answer the question right: BABE, DO YOU WANNA MARRY ME????"

Sitting on one knee, she nodded her head, and I got scared. You might never know what that means, all the ladies do that, they say A but they mean B. But thank God, she answered with a tearfull YES!

This is the park were it all happened!

As you can tell, the first bridge was made out of stone, but the second bridge was made of wood. It's more romantic! lol.

We walked through the park, and we were both in heaven. The sun was shining, God really liked it! Yes, I went on one knee, and I literally shat myself. I've been nervous before, but when I did it, the nerves were taking over, and I didn't even ask "will you marry me?". I asked "Do you wanna marry me?" And I said BABE, instead of Hayley. Babe? That's cheesy!

Okay, I've shared enough. It's time for us to spend our time together, and make the most of it. She is leaving tomorrow. She will upload a million picture's of our food etc. You know how she is...

SHE IS MY FIANCEE!

My 9 days in the UK

The last couple of weeks I haven't been on this blog, because I had nothing interesting to mention. But now I do, I have been in the UK for 9 days, and OMG I have seen a lot and done a lot. Let me talk you through it day by day!

I went to England on the second of February, after I had an eight hour shift. My colleague's waved me goodbye, and I went off. It was a long journey, but I made it safely to Calais. This hasn't been my first trip by car, so I knew what to expect. Obviously I had everything with me, the boot was filled with stuff, 9 days in the UK ment a lot of undies! Ok, passport check. That's alright. Damn, they had to pick me again. I was stopped by a French bordercontrole officer, and he started mumbling in French to me. My response? "Je suis Hollands". That's right, I am multicultural.

But because I was there earlier, they let me go on an earlier ferry. P&O Ferries is such a good company, they have the best service out there.Sometimes it's just necessary to point out how good companies are, and they are superb!

The ride itself was alright, long and boring. Headphones on, and go. Read Jeremy Clarksons book, quite amusing. When I arrived in Dover, I knew one thing would happen, my car would be searched. So I made sure it wasn't a mess, because that indicates something. And yes, "sir, can you park your car there please?" Damn, again? It was alright, had to open the boot, and he had a look in the suitcase. He asked me if it was the first time, and how long I was going to stay..... I think. His accent was a bit shit, and I was still thinking in Dutch/French/English, so pretty damn hard to understand him.

Finally, the drive started. And immediately I drove the wrong way. Or my satnav wasn't working properly. Never mind, let's go. The ride itself was boring, and long. When I arrived in Southgate, I was a happy bunny. The red Volvo made it! Obviously the first hour was all about cuddling and kissing my girlfriend, I missed her a lot! And after that, it was time for bed........

The next morning, we had to wake up early to attend uncle Ron's funeral. He was Hayley's grandma's brother, and loved by everybody in the family. It sounds weird to say, but it was my first foreign funeral, never been to one abroad. And it was weird. I met him once, and he was a nice man. Nice and polite. And to pay my respect to the family and ofcourse my girlfriend, I went to it. The whole ceremony was nice, different compared to a dutch one. The place was packed!!!!! A lot of Ron's dancing club friend came to pay their respect, and a lot of people had to stand! Wow. The service was beautiful, and quite sad. After that, we all went outside, and Hayley had to help me there, to tell me who was who. Uncle Derrick, mr Policeman, etc. And to be honest, I am really bad with names, good with faces.

We all went to the pub afterwards. Well, I say pub, but it was the location where he used to dance the boogie woogie. And again, Hayley had to help me out who was who. The whole uncle/nephew business is so weird to me, she has to make a family tree for me. It was nice though, to meet the family, but it would have been better if it wasn't a funeral. But that's life. Sandwiches were there for those who were a bit hungry. I was a bit. I was still a bit knackered from the long journey.

After a few hours, we decided to go home. It has made us all a bit sad. And it gave us a weird feeling in our stomache. We gave Ron the best service possible, the man deserved it. But it's always weird to say goodbye to one you love.

But that's not the weirdest thing. Months ago, I decided to come to England for my girl, and to attend a rave. I Love Hard Beats, in Vauxhall, London. I really wanted to go, because it would have been my first Freeform party, but I knew that there was a problem. Hayley was still sad, and wasn't feeling well. I tried to talk her into bed, made sure she would be better the day after. But she insisted, she wanted to come with me. And she did. Driving across the Thames, at night, was nice, but going into Vauxhall...... there are better places on this planet to go to. We couldn't find a bloody parking space, and once we did, it took us 45 minutes to find the bloody club. And we have walked passed it a million times! I won't go into details, but my balls and Hayley's boobies were frozen!

The whole night was amazing, but I knew we couldn't stay there for hours. We had to go home earlier, and not attend the afterparty. I only wanted to hear a DJ duo play, and after that, we went home. Arrived in Southgate at 5 o'clock in the morning, jeez. Long day! Goodnight world!

Saturday was a lazy day. Me, Hayley and mum (Hayley's mum, but she is my second mum) went to Wetherspoons to have a lovely meal. It was nice. I don't want to bore you with the things we ate. The only thing I noticed in Wetherspoon was a lady who had a f**king huge moustache! Hayley and mum said it wasn't, but eh, my eyes..... they said to me it was a moustache! Damn.

We invaded Asda, and after that, went home. Snuggled underneath a blanket, and watched Take Me Out. Some tossers who shagged Jodie Marsh gave me a good laugh, never seen someone as stupid as he was! Lol. What a wanker. But never mind, it was good quality TV time!

Sunday, mmm. Bloody sunday. We wanted to go to Milton Keynes to see Uncle Martin and Caroline, but the bloody snow didn't agree with that. So we stayed in all day. It was a nice sight though, seeing the snow coming down.

So that was sunday. Monday was a different day! We (me and Hayley) went to Enfield town for some Valentine shopping, and we have bought a lot! She bought shoes, we bought a Simpsons boardgame, and had Krispy Kreme doughnuts! Thank God I have a bigger car now, where would I leave all those things?

Yes, TGI it was. It was a party in there, lovely service, lovely food. But when we got there, we were both so unbelievabely hungry, we could have eaten a cow!

Tuesday, that was a long day. We decided to go to the Imperial War Museum, and it was fascinating. So many things to see, so many things to experience. It was so informative, but also harsh. When we went into the "Holocaust" section, we couldn't say a word to each other, we just looked at each other, and sadly nodded. Horrible. Got nothing else to say!

Afterwards, the misses had made plans to see Claudia, her best friend! In Chinatown. Nope, we didn't had to fly to China, there is one in London. Next to the red light district of London. It was a lovely setting. She and Claudia chatted away, whilest I was feasting on food I had never seen before. Dutch Chinese food is a bit different. And check the chicken, it was undercooked! Once, but never again!

And afterwards to the M&M world. Wasn't my cup of tea, and it's bloody expensive in there! But if you are a sweetheart like Hayley, it's your place to be!

The day after we decided to go to Martin for a pub grub, and we would go to Milton Keynes around 12ish. We woke up a bit earlier to go out, and went to Woodgreen. Yes, finally I found my pair size 9 1/2. Pfew. Ok, let's have a look around in Primark. Lovely shop. And hungry as ever, so we sat down at BB's for a coffee, a hot cocoa and 2 pizza slice baguette thingies. It was tasty, but the woman was so slow, I could have grown a beard. Best coffee ever though!

Around 12 we went (me, Hayley, mum and gran) to Milton Keynes. A car full of ladies, how about that? Jealous? You should be. The drive was alright, nothing weird happened. When we arrived at uncle Martins house, we had a cup of tea, and went to the pub. It was lovely, but the personal had a face of a chimpansee. They were nice, but their faces.... they could have killed someone with that face!

Don't look at my horrible face though. Just stuffed it full with food, so don't blame me! Afterwards, back to Martin for a cup of tea, and later on, we went home (with a quick stop at Asda). It was a bloody good day! Spoke to my mum on the phone, and she informed me that the weather conditions weren't great in the Netherlands, so I was happy to be in the UK.

Thursday was the day where me and Hayley complained. We had walked for hours and hours. Bleh. But we went to Central London to go to the Museum of London. Don't believe me? Here is proof that I was there:

And again, my face. Can't help it, it's just my face! But we were there, and took NO PICTURES. Lol. How stupid was that? It was nice to see old stuff in there, but why in Gawds name were there so many French kids? Shouldn't they be on their Citroen bicycle, driving to school, with a baguette in their bag and listening to French music? Annoying fuckers.

But seeing as I was in London, I wanted tourist thingies. And obviously, the tube wasn't working properly, so we decided to walk to Leicester Square. A long walk, and again, my balls and Hayley's boobies were frozen. Had a Pizza Hut slice, and bought my stuff. Ps. for those who want to buy a "Keep Calm...." mousepad, don't. The mouse won't move properly on it, waste of money.

When we got back to Oakwood, we wanted food (greedy fuckers, I know) and decided to go to Oakwood Palace, where we stuffed our face. The service was excellent, and the food too. The only annoying bit was, that when we sat down, we were the only one's in, and the waiter was walking around the tables, desperate for us to order. And let's not forgot the American couple, who wanted chop stick, because "they didn't feel right to eat with knife and fork". A bit rascist?

We walked home in the snow, romantic as ever. Holding hands, kissing cheeks. Lovely time. I don't want to go home (NL), this is the country I should have been born in. My place to be.

The day after, we went shopping again. It's someone's birthday soon (gran) so we looked for something nice in B&Q, and obviously had Krispy Kreme again, which was filled with coppers (and I am not talking about coins, I am talking about the police!), 9 of them! Shouldn't they be crime fighting? Well, they deserve a break sometimes!

At home, we played games with my mother in law. Family Fortune, card games, and Air Hockey. And I have to be honest, she is bloody good at Air Hockey. Again and again she had defeated me. She should have been a hockey player?

The last day arrived, woke up early, and made sure that everything was packed and not forgotten. Hayley made me some sandwiches, and after a long kiss-away moment, I left. Took a few wrong turns, but made it safely to Dover. On the ferry, and arrived in Calais. I didn't hesitated, I drove on for 3 1/2 hour without stopping. When I got in Heerlen (NL) I went to my mother for some food, and had a nice chat. An hour later, I went home....... and missed something here. My baby.

So, for those who loved this story, and think we are a match made in heaven, can you give me a job? So I can have these feelings every day, without this distance? Come on people, who don't want me there?

These days were one of the best once's in my life. I love you Hayley, mum, gran, Caroline, Martin (yes, you too), and everybody else in the Davies family. I'll be back soon! I promise!

Ow, before I forget, I've made a snowman! The first one in bloody years! What do you think? Doesn't he look like Boris Johnson, the mayor of London?

Maybe.....

I will continue this blog.... I am not sure at the moment. I have this other site ( http://thecrazydutchmansblog.nl ) and to me, this other site is my musical blog. And I will have this one where I can put everything else on.

Well, what have I done recently? Nothing much. What has the world done? It has gone nuts. Just two days ago, some bloke in Liege has thrown handgrenades to a busstop, and killed 6 people (including himself). He injured over a hundred people.... this is insane. Why do we lose the plot?

It's unthinkable that people think like that. I honoustly don't have a clue where to get a gun, a handgrenade, or anything illegal. If you know people who sell them, or places where you can buy them, you are probably friended with the wrong people. I don't want to be friends with people who do illegal stuff. Guns and stuff, it's just wrong. Where are the good ol' days where you would use your fists if you had an argument with someone? Since when is it acceptable to use weapons?

The world has lost it. We are still in a recession, and the figures aren't positive. Summer 2012 we will be out of it (that's what they say). We are working so hard, but we struggle to survive. We manage in some way..... but a lot of people can't. People are struggling to survive. Money isn't a currency any more, we are going back into time where money wasn't the most important thing, food trading was.

It's sad to see a lot of people without a job, without money, begging for food. We shouldn't be begging for food. It's just wrong. So wrong.

And you know what the worst thing to me at the moment is? The snow! The snow is coming.... we don't know when, but it will arrive. And I hate driving in the snow, because it's like playing Russian Roulette with your life..... snow is dangerous, so fucking dangerous. How many video's are there online where you see cars crashing, because they can't control their car anymore? Snow is dangerous people. God, if you read this, please make sure that there is a lot of snow on the North and Southpole, but not in Europe? Thank you!

Make sure that you don't use the car when you don't need to go outside. Be safe people. Mr Snowman is a c*nt. A killer in disguise!!!

The End is Near....

it is. And I am not lying. It is coming to and end. I've done it for a long time, and quite frankly, I am fed up with it. I can't go any further. This hurts to say, but what's the point? I should terminate it. And immediately!!!!

No! I am not talking about the S-word. No way! Are you silly?!? I was talking about the end of my blogspot. It's been a long time, and a lot of blogs, but now that I've got my own website, it's better to finish it here, and let people enjoy it on my new site. Why would I have two sites? That's ridicilous.

Don't think that the bullshit blogs will stop, because they won't. Why should they? It's still maintained by me, so bullshit all the way. But where do you need to go too?

www.thecrazydutchmansblog.nl

Put it on your favourites. Copy and paste it to somewhere. I don't care. But make sure you have it somewhere. But don't ask me afterwards why I deleted this, and what my new page is. I'll leave this here for a long time, so you got the time to change.

I will have a good day. It's going to be a sad day for blogspot, they have lost me. But who knows, one day baby Martin and Hayley will be on here too? If internet still excists. I hope so.

Maybe baby Martin and Hayley has survived a nucleair war, and he or she needs to repopulate the world. Obviously typing a blog would be the last thing on their mind. But you might never know.

I'll see you on the flipside!

www.thecrazydutchmansblog.nl
www.thecrazydutchmansblog.nl
www.thecrazydutchmansblog.nl
www.thecrazydutchmansblog.nl
www.thecrazydutchmansblog.nl
www.thecrazydutchmansblog.nl

Get it?!!!!?

Television....

it's shit. No good programmes appear on telly, every time I'm watching it. During the day, stupid commercials appear, or do you call them infomercials? Not much info for me. Stupid. Typical American commercials "Yes Mike, with this machine, you will cut your bush outside quicker" "Angela, you don't need to work out anymore, you need Dr. Tamagotchi's relax tea, and you will loose pounds every week". Come on. Don't be stupid. If you want to loose weight, go to the gym. No pill will make you lose it that quickly and that easy. If it really worked, every American would use it.

And those talkshows? Stupid. How fun is it to sit there, and make fun of yourself? Stupid stupid stupid. "Yes, I had sex with my brother and uncle, and I don't know who's baby this is". That's just eurgh! I really don't like daytime television. It's just stupid and for those who find it interesting..... you must be asleep by the time the good shows appear.

But I would be lying if I would say that I don't watch some tellsell programmes, and be amazed. A device to make painting easier? No dripping? A good paintjob? I need that.... but there is always a but. A machine that makes food without using pans and pots? I fucking want that! But..... where's the catch? There is one of these informercials which I can't stop looking at.... the PaintPadPro. I've got a similar version of it, don't know the name, probably a cheap version of it: PeentPatProw. Don't know if it works, we will see next month. I will paint my flat with it. Hopefully it works. I will keep you updated. If not, that will be my advice to you: don't buy that shit. If it works, my advice will be "you don't need to buy that thing you see on telly, you can get a cheaper similar one in a pound/dollar shop".

Why am I talking about television? This year we celebrate the 60th birthday of television here in the Netherlands. And they show programmes that used to be on telly, but stopped. Television has changed alot. It can destroy and demolish alot. Where's the time when we played outside for hours and hours, until our parents shouted that we had to go back in? Where are the good times, where we played with marbles and painted the pavement? We need to stick behind the telly, otherwise we miss out on stuff. I don't hear anybody talking about television being addictive, but it is. How many people turn it on, the second they come indoors? How many people have got a tv in their bedroom? For what reason? I thought the bedroom was used to sleep in and have sex? Romantic, laying in bed, watching Sex and the City? Neh, not for me. No TV in my bedroom. Never will.

TV in a bathroom? TV in a lavatory? You see it on Cribs, all the celebrities have it. But why? I am not interested in the news when I am taking a shit. I don't want to see anything when I am weeing. A good book can be good too, you know? Read a good book when you lay in a bath. Nope, television is what people need. Are there any good shows on? Erm... not many.

Shows I watch, are interesting for my brain. I learn from it. Shows like James May's Toy Stories. Top Gear. Dirty Jobs. How Stuff Works. Those are shows where you might be able to use the information for personal use. James May reminded me that we had Meccano as kids. I totally forgot about it.

Don't get me wrong, stupid shows can be interesting too. I watch comedies all the time. Southpark. Scrubs. Friends. Two Pints of Lager. American Dad. Family Guy. I watch it all. But for a strange reason it still gives us advice, interesting advice. Southpark does it too. Seen the Human CentiPad? It's true. Big co-operations take over, we all click on "accept" and we don't read the rules. We submerge ourselves to whatever they write down in those tiny lines. We get screwed over again and again. We are lazy people.

Television is what brought us together back in the last century, and we were amazed by the power of it. And now we are all junkies. Addicted. Tellyheads. We can't live a day without telly. Damn you telly. Why are you so addictive?

And don't say you are not addicted! You are lying. We all watch a TV, even when we are abroad, sitting in a hotel lobby, and they show a local show. We all watch, without understanding it, but we need too. We need to be updated with daily facts and figures. But why not watch shows where we can learn from? Television has destroyed us, and the computer will do that too.

Go out and play. Only come in when it gets dark. Play, like you never played before. Sex? Have sex, without the telly. If you have a telly in your bedroom/bathroom/lavatory, turn it off, or leave it off. Enjoy sex/bathing/pooing. I know it might seem strange, but live life. Your life counts, because television can be turned on and off whenever you want. Your life is too precious, you can be turned off only once. No rebooting possible. So use it as long as you can! Play, for your own sake!! Play!

Tomorrow.....

I am old. 28 to be precise. Today I am young, I should do something special to remember today. What should I do? Walk around the streets naked, whilest dancing to the beat? Neh, not my thing. Should I do something nice? Water my plant? Neh, it's already dead. What should I do? Maybe something I've done for so many years..... nothing.

What have I done yesterday, and the days before that? I had a late shift on saturday and sunday, and I thought it was going to be a shitty weekend, but sunday turned out alright. 550 customers. That is less than a minute per customer, for 8 hours. Imagine that, meeting me at the till. You are served quicker than you can say "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious". I hate that film, I really do.

Yesterday I done fokk all. I went to the supermarket, and I thought I could buy a vlaai, a dutch delicacy, but they only had shitty one's. So I bought something else for myself, a bossche bol. Fucking great thing, it's .... erm..... it's a puff cake filled with whipped cream and covered with melted chocolate.  This is how it looks like:

But because it's so big, it's really hard to eat. Your face is always covered in chocolate, and you legs in whipped cream. It's so delicious, I will introduce it to my girl when she comes over next time. She doesn't know what hit her. Melted chocolate ladies! Melted! Isn't that what you want? Isn't that what you need? You don't need fish and chips, with horrible red sausages which look like a bulls penis.... you need a bossche bol.

Today I have an appointment. With the window cleaner. I forgot I had the appointment. I am dopey, I know. And after that, I will go out to get the car clean, and getting a vlaai. A vlaai is something which is eaten on birthdays and special occassions. This is how a vlaai looks like:

Ask Hayley, she loves them. Me and her were in an argument once, why I didn't introduce her to it earlier. I should have. But I can't be arsed. It's so common to me, I tend to forget it's special to foreigners. But Hayley ain't a englishman..... woman...... she isn't one for a full 100%. She loves a lot of dutch things, like frikandellen and bicky burgers. She loves our chips, our delicacies. She is more dutch than you might think. If I am going to move to the UK, I will fucking miss my frikandellen. It's going to be so fucking hard to live without them. Fish and chips? The fish stinks and the chips are covered with more grease then I've got in my hair.... so soaking wet. Bleh. We should introduce dutch chips in the UK. We could open up a shop called H&M's chippy shop, MarLey's ChipShop. Watch out, before you know it, it is going to be a great brand!!!!!!

But first my birthday. Send my present to me bitches! (lol, or give them to Hayley). But I need presents. Why? I am a greedy bastard, that's why!