Lessons? Yes! Never sneeze when sitting in a Volkswagen Polo limegreen whilest listening to Bonkers (that's a hardcore CD). It can dislocate your shoulder! You think that is funny and weird? That is exactly what happened to me! I went to Heerlen to pick up that CD, and whilest sitting in the carpark, I needed to sneeze, and my arm was straight forward. I was skipping tracks when I sneezed, and my shoulder got dislocated. Funny? Not at that moment, but afterwards it was. Imagine telling that to your boss? "Yes I am not able to work, I've dislocated my shoulder by sneezing." I called headquarters to announce my sickness, and they didn't believe me!
I've had the chance to experience life in the weirdest way! And I've got loads of stories to tell. Maybe the BBC will read this (I doubt it) and think "this bloke is just what we need". Don't think so. It would uplift the present choice you have on telly. It's shit. The shows ain't funny anymore. It's all weird. No comedy with humour. Maybe my show would make a difference?
Obviously music would play a big part of it. And Hayley can agree with the fact that I can't dance, only rave. I've got so many idea's in my head, and when I look at them, I find them hilarious. But I don't know how to put it down on paper/Word.
For example, a good joke. In my head this happens to me.
I go to Asda to buy toilet paper, and I get the most expensive one. Quality is important, because I shit alot. So I get the one with multiple layers, always handy! And when I get to the till, the lady tells me that I've bought the best! I am proud of what I have done, I knew it! The best toiletpaper! Only the best for my arse! I would walk home with the rolls underneath my right arm. But you see me return later to Asda, and I am angry looking. I'm searching for the lady who served me hours ago, and I want to tell her the truth. She is sitting behind the till, and I walk towards her. She sees me, and wonders. I stand in front of her, whilest she is serving people. "Is this the best toiletpaper you have? Look at THIS" (I show my righthand) "Poo should be on the paper, not on my HAND!" The lady freaks out and runs off, leaving me behind with poop on my hand.
See the humour in this? I do! I know it's low to the ground, but that is funny. But not only funny stuff would be included in the show. I would like to see a scene, which actually happened in real life. The biggest beat-up I've ever experienced. I'll tell you what happened:
When I was young, and at school, the teacher would always pick a class leader for a day, and he or she would (if necessary) punish those who are not paying attention. Or when they are being knobs. You get the idea. I was the class leader that day, and some boys weren't paying attention. So I had to punish them (I can't remember what they had to do, I think they had to write 50 times a line). I wish I never done that. They were the bullies of the class.
During the break, I would always walk home to eat there. I walked outside of school, and there they were. With friends. I was afraid. Scared. I hoped I could walk home, and nothing would happen. But all of a sudden they started following me, and I walked faster and faster. Running. They ran faster and I tried to outrun them. I couldn't. I ran over the car park next to the school (there was a mall next to the school). In a split second I thought "why not run back to school, I will be safe there!" I did that, but a few meters before I got to the door, they grabbed me. A huge pole, which is there for decorating the carpark, stood inbetween my freedom. They pushed me against it, and they held my hands together around the pole. I cried, I feared the worst. They started beating me and kicking me everywhere. I cried, screamed for help. I hoped someone would come and help me. No one did, they only watched me. I screamed "HELP ME, SOMEONE, PLEASE". A lot of parents were present, but did nothing. Crying. I couldn't do anything else. Deadly eyes looked at me. What looked like hours, happened in a minute or 2. Pain, agony. Then all of a sudden, they stopped. And I ran away, back home. On my way home I tried to regain myself, and wiped my face clean. I was planning on not telling my mother.
I got home, and mum was angry: I was late. I started crying and walked off. On my way to school, I tried several sneaky routes, because I didn't want to see the bullies. I got to school safely, and life went on. Like nothing ever happened. That day those bullies made me feel fear, and that has stayed with me for the rest of my life. I am afraid. Maybe that's why I ain't an agressive person. Always friendly. Because deep down, I know, if I am the opposite of what I am now, I could get hurt, a lot!
A few days later, another parent asked my mum how I was doing. She looked weird to her, and asked "what do you mean, how my son is?" And then she tells my mum. My mum angry, having a go at me when I get home. And I tell her the truth. Because there isn't a way out, I am still covered in bruises.
Is there a lesson to be learned? Yes, stand up for yourself. Try to overcome everything in life, and live it to the max. Because if you stay in a certain mode, it will destroy you. See what I have become? I have a lovely girlfriend, a car, a flat, good payment. What else do I need?
Do not ever turn into a bully. You don't know what you can do to other peoples lives. You can destroy them. And those, weakminded, will vanish. I regained my strenght, and I am back, back in business. I am way above those bullies. That's why I am loved, and they are hated. Be strong, overcome your fear. Don't let fear beat you. Always remember that bullies can beat you physically, but mentally you can overcome! Learn and live!
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